Life Can Be Painful; It Doesn’t Have to Be!
Esther Joseph – Unity Inherited from Ben Perry on Vimeo.
The most important thing in the world is family. Isn’t it amazing how when someone is asked, “Why do you do what you do?” The most prevalent answer is, “For my family.” Yet, oftentimes we let the world that helps us provide for those we love most, become the wall that divides us.
Whether it’s too much work, finances or lack of education, we let stress and pressure control us and the ones that suffer its wrath are our loved ones. It’s life’s perfect irony; the ones we love most are the ones we hurt most. Then we wonder why our children grow up resentful, withholding the most precious reward for raising a family—our grandchildren.
Is this the future you want? Are you living this reality today? If you could, would you rectify the situation and enjoy a relationship with your adult children and grandchildren?
If you answered yes, then I can help you. You see, I learned long ago I had a choice to make: to be right, or to be happy? I chose happy. I’m sure you would too. I can show you how.
Our Natural Inclination Will Lead to Devastation!
First we must come to grips with reality. No one likes to be wrong. After many years of sacrifice to provide for the family, everyone feels they deserve gratitude; hence they try to extract it by any means. Some of these include:
Pressure and Guilt: You realize life is lonely without your family and you want them back. You feel betrayed and that they should be more appreciative of your long hours of work, the food you provided, the clothes you bought, the Christmases and birthdays you gifted them; so you try to make them feel guilty and pressure them. That behavior will only push them further away.
The Blame Game: Believe it or not, it’s neither the fault of your in-laws, boss, parents, neighbors nor whoever was in the White House. If we were to change all those dynamics, most likely the same damage would have occurred.
Minimizing and Belittling Emotions: Emotions are powerful! And, to the one emoting they are extremely important. So telling someone that it wasn’t as bad as they remember or that they are blowing it out of proportion, will result in a deep rooted determination to spite you. Don’t do that.
The Highest Rating in Life is Triple A!
In business, insurance and investments, the best one can attain is AAA status. It is the epitome of quality and assurance, and it’s no different when it comes to healing a broken family. Our triple A consists of:
• Apologize
• Agree
• Accept responsibility
Let’s look at these individually.
Apologize: The seven most POWERFUL words in healing a relationship are, “I was wrong; can you forgive me?” Humility in love is SO powerful that it can tear down barriers and melt hearts.
Agree: Remember there are YEARS of animosity and in the heat of the moment, your children may see an opportunity to point out some faults. It’s a natural reaction. No matter what they say, agree; remember the goal and prize at the end.
Accept Responsibility: You must accept responsibility for any hurt or wrong you may have done. Don’t get defensive! Arguing will only open more wounds, make resolute their conviction and start a circle of tit-for-tat that will destroy any opportunity of healing. People pay thousands of dollars with to get it out of their system. Your children can achieve much more doing so with the one they perceive hurt them so much, more quickly. So let them.
This process is simple, but far from easy. It takes a resolute spirit, a contrite heart and a love that knows no boundaries. Everything in life that has worth is only valuable because it takes hard work. The harder the work; the higher the value! The easy things have little to no value.
But ask yourself this question: “Aren’t they worth it; aren’t I worth it? Why settle for second best?” When it’s all said and done, and the book on your life is closed, let it be said that you will live forever because you touched and changed the lives of your children—and they spread that love for generations to come.
